My Dreams ...

In corresponding with my friend Zura's post in hers and ahmed's blog ... i found a really interesting topic in there, and Zura even told me to do the same ... and here i am =D ...

well basically, the post is about posting the dreams that i have dreamed of back when i was a teenager around 18 ... (yes i was a teenager once >,> ...) ...

1) ok i believe this was my number one ... Learn Japanese Language ... i still remember the first time i fell in love with the japanese culture and language, and how i got this dream of mastering the language haha ...

it was either 2002 or 2003, i was in the car with my bro, he went off to the pharmecy and on his ipod, the song that was playing on shuffle was Utada Hikaru - Wait and see ... at that time i just repeated the song and became obsessed with the language ... and unlike now, japanese language that time was "uncool" till fast and furious showed up lol ...

2) i believe my 2nd dream was to Master the drums ... it all started with the Drum mania machine at Liwa center in Abudhabi ... one day i just passed through the machine and i was like "woooah ... i really should try it" ... i think some of the guys still remember the first day i played it ... i suuuuuuuuuuucked ... ahahaha ... but it was all fun, till the day i found out that my oldest bro was a pro in the game =P ... he always attracted alot of crowd when he played ... and i attracted boooos when i played lol ...

so i used to come everyweek with the guys, while they play counterstrike or king of fighters, i used to train on the machine, and i think now im way better than my bro lol ... i started practicing on the real drums, was all going well till my bro sold it ...

3) next on my list, and i believe alot of people dreamed of this =P ... becoming a millionaire, i DO know nothing is impossible in this world ... and i do love to be a millionare =P hahaha ...

4) become a well known graphic designer ... it all started 2 months b4 i moved to malaysia, i had my own group on msn, and i was designing some basic stuff on photoshop, till my bro came and showed me his skills showing off =P ... so when i went to malaysia basically started practicing and designed alot of banners and stuff at MMU ..

I believe these were the main dreams i had long time b4, and yah i have to admit on something, most of these dreams started cuz of something my brother did ... lol ... and yes i really do think i was pretty pretty immature ...

ok, now i believe i have matured and my brain actually ... THINKS ... thinking more about my life and future dreams and all ...

here is what i currently think of my old dreams ...

1) ok, well i STILL wanna speak perfect japanese, but im no longer placing it as an important thing in my life, as in, i dont want it to get in the way of studying ... but im looking forward to the day i speak japanese ... ahaha Ganbatte ...

2) regarding the drum and all, right now ... im rarely playing the drums ... not cuz im bored with it ... no no ... i absolutely LOVE the drums, its just, since i cant afford getting a set of my own, will might be able to get one when i start working and practice more, but i still have it on my dream list ;)

3) being a millionaire, well ... to be honest it's really awesome that a person would be able to be rich, but somehow ... i've come to realizing ... that people who want to be rich at first have to sacrifice alot of stuff in order to reach that position, and its true money is needed these days for people to be happy and all ... but i just want to be my bank account to be content, not rich nor poor but neither in need =P ... i believe it would be more than enough, to pay for urs kids school money, to own a good decent house, and still got some money in ur pocket for a day of need ... so being a millionaire is something i don't really wanna be in the future =P ... (call me crazy i don't care, but this is me)

4) ever since i left malaysia around a year ago, i stoppe designing, i stopped using photoshop ... i think used it once or twice, but that is through a year, i wouldn't mind free lancing now by doing some designs and stuff ... but im looking forward into people recognizing my work on photoshop, sometimes i always think i have inherited alot of my moms skills, we are one hell of a creative family hahaha ... but yah sometimes i wished i would have studied something regarding design as alot of times i have those designs flowing in my head, also when it comes to house designs, i sometimes get so excited to think of a design, and actually i can't wait to start working, so i could start getting my dream house with me and probably my wife's design hahaha ... who knows =P ...

Ok so as most of u could see, these r not uitable dreams to talk about =P ... i mean come on im 22 years old now, and i have to think more of my life ...

so the following are the dreams regarding my current life dreams ...

1) my first dream is to finish the bloody degree by 23 years old and max by 24 years old ... ive spent enough time studying =P ... just wanna end it all and start working ... cuz honestly i can't wait =P ...

2) my 2nd life dream is to start working for 1 to 2 years after degree graduation and after that aim for my masters ... and inshallah im aiming to study my masters either in US, UK or France, i just have one of those 3 countries in my head to study in =) ... regarding te master, depending on where im gonna work, im still not sure whether im going for full time masters or part time, if it was part time, i might just take it somewhere in the middle east unless i could take it in one of the previously mentioned countries ...

3) this one is important to me =P ... i wanna get married by 27 years old, max by 28 years old, for me that's the most suitable age, cuz after fiishing uni, and getting my masters, i need some time to make my own money in order to start a family, plus i think a guy would be alot more mature by that time ... and it's quite good ... the only part missing in accomplishing this dream is ... the wife ... hahahaha ... i hope fate sets us a date soon =P ...

4) which i think is important as it can decide on how long im gonna live, losing the weight and gaining 6 pack abs, i met people who laughed hard at me after saying that (yah it's true) ... but people don't really know how much i need this, it's not so that i could look good, but it's for me to live a long healthy life ... plus looking good =D ... hahaha ... but yah, this is one of the MOST important things i should do, and btw, im aiming on losing all this fat BEFORE i turn 23 years old, and yes im determined to do so =D ... so becareful world, by 5th october 2010 i would have accomplished this dream and out going wild ...

these r some of the most important life dreams im aiming for at the moment ... and now these dreams are what i would really like to accomplish but wouldn't mind if i didn't =P ...

1) Learning the Violin ... the violin for me is THE most awesome musical instrument human beings ever created ... and even though it's the hardest instrument there is ... i dont think it's impossible for me to achieve it ... however im aiming on learning the violin AFTER i graduate from uni, cuz i dont want it to stand in the way of my first life dream ... but im surely going to start learning =D ... and i can't wait for it ...

2) continue learning the piano ... i started learning piano a loooooooooooooooooooong time ago ... but i stopped cuz i sucked at it lol, but it turned out, practice does make perfect lol ... so right now during weekends when i go back to my brothers house, i let my sis tutor me and im learning by time ;) here is a clip of me and my sis playing Jason Mraz - I'm Yours on piano, i faced difficulties with my left hand so my sis helped me with it =P and btw she is a really talented pianist =D ...

Jason Mraz - I'mYours (Piano) [Link is on facebook] : http://www.facebook.com/video/?ref=sb#/video/video.php?v=306898630334 (do check it =P)

and right now im learning both David Lanz - Cristifori's Dream (can play from 0:00 till 2:55 =D) still learning it =P

and a theme song from the koren show Full House - why

3) becoming a good cook =P ... Cooking is an art, and i like it =D ... and i want to be really good in it =D ... so far i cant stick my mind into what i wanna specialize in lol so being a good cook in everything sounds nice =P ...

4) learning more than arabic and english language ... i want to at least learn 2-3 other languages ... might sound alot, but that is awesome =D ... i used to fluent in french since i used to study it in my primary school, but now since i ditched the language had no one to talk to with french, u can say i some what forgot the language, but i can still write englih in french style or get the accent =P alo i was hoping in learning either german or malaysian =P ... (malaysian since i was aready there, and i know the basics) ...

5) going around the world, well either alone or with the one ... so i dont really have a limit for this dream, but i would hope to fulfil it before reaching 40 years old =P ...

6) Hopefully being with that one =P ... is one of the most important dreams hehehe ...

well i think that concludes my post ;) ... hope u all stick to ur dreams no matter what, don't let ur dreams chase u, but u chase them =D ...

Take care everyone ^^

is it just me ...

... or am i the last human being alive, lately, i've been finding it very difficult to reach my friends, people r no longer online and if they were, they won't answer my messages ... *sigh* ... yah yah ... i know ... lately all of my posts r me complaining complaining ... blah blah ...

well that's cuz everyone around me tend to piss me off sometimes =P ... especially when im in university, with all their messed up rules about mixing and how they CAN'T even control what they do ... that just sux

anwyas ... just hope people rise from the dead soon ... cuz its getting pretty lonely in here ...

Diet updates ...

Ok, so im gonna post some pics i took this morning for my diet progress, im feeling quite happy with myself now, the extra weight i gained during summer and ramadan is starting to fade away, i can fit in some clothes i bought in summer once again lool ... but makes me feel sad at the same time, as i was already fit in them b4, and then i gained and then fit again, could have decreased the size of them if i would have carried on b4 xD hahaha ... anyway ...

Im really quite happy with the results so far =P ... and inshllah will start working harder in order to lose more and more of all of this weight =D ...

Just for the sake of remembering the old times =P ... i took a photo wearing the saem tshirt i wore the first time i took photos in March =P

(btw in those 2 old pics, i was sucking my stomach in real hard looooooool) ... im not saying im not sucking my stomach in any of the photos, i do, but not THAT hard, it's quite comfotable for me actually

omg ... now that i look closer to the pic, i doesnt show that much difference looooooooooooool ... but i think it's cuz of old clothes now look fluffier on me >,> ... yes that should be it hahaha ...

ahhhh ... now i really can't wait till i finish this diet and shape up ;) ...

Ok now i'm off to study =P ...

i'm quite sick of it ...

what i mean by that is, i'm quite sick of being nice to people, apparently ... it's quite frustrating ... people don't appreciate others anymore ... most of the time they only care about themselves ... i've reached to a conclusion from every single thing that happened to me:

If you r good to people, then to them u r a sucker ... if u refuse to do good things to people, then to them u r a jackass ...

*sigh* ... i think refusing to say no is in my blood, im trying to be a better person, but some people apparently don't give a shit about that ... and that's what i hate people nowadays, everyone ONLY cares about themselves, thinking of all good of their own and forgeting that on this earth, other people are walking ...

i want people to remember me as that person who did something good during his lifetime, i am trying to make people around me understand how good it is to something good in the first place, but do they even care ... NO!!! they don't ...

I should be quite thankful for the very few true friends i have ... i always think that having a little number of great best friends is always better than having alot of friends ... cuz a person shouldnt be judged by the amount of friends he/she has, i mean like someone thinking that a person who has 500 friends is someone who is nice and popular and blah blah ... this really happens alot around the world ... people should be judged by the way HOW they TREAT their friends ... r they good towards them or not ... but from what i see now ... a friend is a person whom is most useful for u to use ...

ahhh ... i can't really say more about this ... cuz the more i do, the more frustrated i feel ... all what i think i can say is ... I just hope Allah will show those people the right way ...

What i miss ...

i currently miss:

1. I miss my family ...
2. I miss my friends in Malaysia ...
   
3. I miss my high school time ...
4. I miss black being the cool color ...
5. I miss the times when you got 100 for your allowance and you felt like you had a 1000 ...
6. I miss my old friends whom dramatically changed some for the worst ...
7. I miss the times me and brothers rumbled in the house ...
8. I miss the times we played hide and seek in the house ...
9. I miss working in events ...
10. I miss mixing with other cultures ...
11. I miss the times we had barbecue at the balcony ...
12. I miss my old house ...
13. I miss the 90's ...
14. I miss the old cartoons that were shown on tv and now replaced with weird stuff ...
15. I miss the times when color mobiles were introduced to people ...
16. I miss the times when coke+chips+gum+other junkie stuff cost only 5 DHS max (if u spend 5 DHS u'll look like a millionaire)
17. i miss alot of things ...

my diet updates (w/o pics) =P

first of all, the main reason why i temporarily stopped posting picture updates of my diet, is for 2 reasons =P, and i just wanna clarify them now =D:

1st reason:

ummm ... the first reason is, ever since i went to Jordan in the summer and after that it was Ramadan, and my mom cooked for me and the family the whole time, i found a difficulty maintaing what i ate ... since my mom is blessed with an awesome cooking skill that i like to grasp its opportunity as much as possible =P ... dont blamme, just try a taste and u'll be hooked =D ... anyways that is my first reason ...

2nd reason:

since my mom cooked the whole tim,e i literally gained alot of weight ... and the clothes that i bougt and which were fit on me became tight and i couldnt wear them, that's y since i knew i wasnt making any advances in the diet and gaining instead of losing i didnt post any pic till i just make sure im back on track and im losing it ;) ... and i guess right now i am =P

at this moment, the fire of determination in me to lose weight is bigger that anytime before =D ... and im currently making improvements and all and inshallah will post some pics maximum by next week =) ... i just seriously cant wait to lose all of this fat, cuz i just noticed someting, since the goal weight im aiming for it quite far ahead, i just imagine ... what would i look when i do reach it, since it's far away and im already starting to look slimmer =P ... i really can't wait for it ... xD ... as i said the fire of determination is ON ... hahaha

Just wish me luck that the fire will stay on for a long time =P

How life is for me ...

how long has it been already ??? ... almost a month or more since i last updated huh ...*sigh* ... lately i've been looking at how my life is going so far, and to be honest ... what i see so far ... is not good ... AT ALL ...

looking in primary school, i was known as on of the top students in classes, gradually as i grew up, my performance decreased ... till i got to high school, which is considered as one of the most important year a person goes through his/her life ... and i totally blew it ... i really did ... i hated myself alot that time ... i think i got 73% ... i felt like a jackass that time, like the biggest loser in life ... and i still remember the time when my mom called University of Sharjah to ask them how much percentage is needed to register in engineering ... and it turned i would qualify in there, i remember she cried of joy ... i may have put on a happy face on the outside, but deep down inside i felt like i made a wound i can't heal with time, this thing still haunts me all time ... and the worst part is, i always found myself lying to people whenever they ask me how much i got ...

Now, after i finished school years and decided to go to university, my parents insisted that for me to remain in UAE and study in Sharjah university (where i am now) ... and ofcourse that time i just wanted to study abroad, and i didnt want to remain in UAE, and then a group of friends decided to go to study in Malaysia, and we all agreed to go together (i think we were 4-6 people) ... and apparently u'll learn that some people r only all talk, they give u promises and in the end, u go like an ass to the university there all alone, it's quite amazing ...though i dont blame one of them who is still studying there =P ... but the thing is, when people give promises .... other people EXPECT u to actually to do like what u say ...

I remember the first day i was in Malaysia, November 14, 2005, i reached KLIA, found it cool, rode the train inside the airport and found that even cooler, then as me and my parents got our luggage and went out, we were expecting a person from the university to come pick us up, as i wrote them an email and they confirmed it, and the funny part is ... they replied me 1 year later saying that they can't send a bus ... amazing how life is ... anyhow ... i remember going to the "Seri Costa" hotel in melaka which is close from Mahkota, and how spicy food was and all ... i'm going to skip all the details and jst get into the point ...

Novemeber 14, 2005 - Januray 16, 2009, that was the time i spent in Malaysia, and why did my time end there? it's not cuz i finished studying and that ... but it turned out i'm just failing alot of courses, and having the stupid rule of offering courses ONCE a year and insufficient lecturers in the Mechanical Department ... i came with the resolution to leave MMU and in the end where did i go, back to the place where my mom wanted me in 2005 ... i dunno if i would have went there already ... what could have become of me already ... would i be the same as i am now, or would i just need 1 year to finish studying ...

I just seriously can't take it anymore ... How i see myself right now, how my actions affect people around me ... i just can't ... i feel like i'm a burden on my family ... my dad retired, my oldest brother is working and pays for alot of things i want or need, my older brother is married and is in Canada, my sis is working and pays for my uni fees, i honestly can't take it ... it's too much, i feel like im just hear to drain their efforts and money ... i just wish i can finish my studies faster, inorder to start making up for everything ... because right now ... the burden that i feel at the moment, is as if im carring a mountain on my back ...

Im currently trying my best ... inorder to get my degree as fast as possible, in order to make them live without supporting me ... i Love them all ALOT and i just dont want to be under support all the time ... im trying my best now to support them, i may not have cash or car, but at least i try to be useful in the house instead of just lying around there, i clean, cook and help around ...

i just wish that allah will bless all of my family with nothing but the very best in their life and future, as i really love them and i dont want anything to happen to them ...

(P.S: if anyone is reading this post ... just rest assure im not emo or anything ... this is just something i go through, when i think of where i am in life and how am i affecting people around me ...)